You Can Love Again
by FullMetalWhore
Summary: The former sheriff faces something far greater than a horde of hungry walkers, something that has to do with a woman who has been stealing his smile for a few months. What if she is his luck? And if his only way out is to start over and love again?


"Rick! What happened?"With a gasping and worried expression, you shouted these words, with one hand pressed against your side, trying in vain to appease the intense pain. He turned around, his face dripping with sweat. He raised an eyebrow and a single corner of his mouth, in the bad imitation of what a smile should be."Where is Carl?", you asked gasping and excited. It was too quiet, too quiet… But Rick seemed amused by your behavior. With a dry movement of his head, he pointed to the right. Carl. This kid laughed with his new friends near the pig farm."But…"Your stutter was immediately interrupted by Rick's gentle chuckle, which has meanwhile turned back to you and begins to wash his face."You should rest a bit, Y/N.",you heard him mumble in a hoarse voice."I heard that two minutes ago Carl screamed like crazy, I'm sure Rick, I…", you protested, but his quick movements made the words get stuck in your throat. He stood in front of you in no time, his hands on his hips and his usual pose of 'Sexy Sheriff' - a nickname Beth and you had secretly given him."Nobody was screaming out here.", he said seriously before sighing and shaking his head,"I told you to rest. And treat yourself to a shower, Y/N.", he said, holding out an arm to put a hand on your shoulder. In fact, he was not entirely wrong: this morning, you were at the fence with Maggie and Glenn, armed with a knife to get rid of a lot of biter. Later, you helped to clean up a few cells with Carol, which could be useful sooner or later. In short: you really should take a shower."You are tired. You have not had a single break today. I understand that you want to help and everyone appreciates this, Y/N. But you also have to think about yourself.", Rick said worriedly and reduced his voice to a whisper. He shook his head again and scratched his cheek. You could spend hours observing the line of his jaw that hides under the beard growing on his face. Or how Beth used to tease you when she noticed: 'A very cute bear that makes it even more fascinating.', she said. But of course she was right, you noticed it too. Especially now that you were amazed to actually stare at him. And Rick's mouth has opened up to a glowing smile. You seldom had the chance to see him smile like this and those few times, when he did that, your heart throbbed with joy."It's you who always think of me… But I do not have to rest…"Your words came out by themselves without you being able to stop them. You suddenly lowered your head and found your eyes on the ground again. You feel it, the blush that just burned your cheeks. You saw that his eyes pierced your body, but you tried not to reciprocate it and started talking again."I… I'm fine, okay… I'm not tired, really…"When you lifted your face, you noticed that Rick had come a few paces closer, his hands still on his hips and an indecipherable expression on his face. Sometimes you would do everything possible to know what is going on in his head at certain times… You are, unlike him, an open book, unable to hide the slightest emotion. You could not keep his eyes and immediately looked elsewhere and you saw Daryl standing in the distance on the tower, guarding the prison."Y/N…"His voice regained your attention and you looked back to look at him and found another smile from those who made you so happy.

"Sweetie… I'm just worried about you…",Rick murmured as he stroked your cheek. And that's it, there was that feeling again, because of that little word that he said so softly and let you step forward to hug him and put your face in his crook. You took a deep breath and inhaled the smell that it exudes and that you now knew for a month. One month… A single barren month was enough to mess up your feelings. Until thirty days ago, you were just the too hasty Y/N, Maggie's best friend, who was adopted by her family when the apocalypse began. Until thirty days ago, you were just a woman busy with helping anyone in need, a stubborn and strong woman who desperately wanted to accompany Daryl or Michonne on their expeditions to get the medication or dinner. Until thirty days ago, Rick only saw you as the woman who looked after Judith and Carl when he was not there, the woman responsible for washing the few clothes. Then, out of nowhere - or maybe not, there was something that happened over time, you did not know it, you did not notice it before - Rick started to look at you with different eyes, as this woman on the Farm of Hershel's family.

 ** _FLASHBACK:_**

"Do not be stupid, Y/N!",Beth whispered to you.

"Come on, do not tell me you can not see it?"

Daryl and Merle found a stereo in a bar near the prison, and when they returned with food and several bottles of red wine, Maggie and Glenn offered to relax for at least one evening and have fun. Everything has been going smoothly since those days. In fact, if not months. Judith became strong and healthy, the governor did not turn up, and Rick seemed to be getting better after weeks of Lori's death. After a unanimous decision you all decided to celebrate a little - so to speak. At night you all locked yourself in and offered a decent buffet. The children were running from one cell to the next, laughing and playing as they had not done in a long time, and the music coming from the stereo was quiet enough not to attract the Walkers. There were those who enjoyed the wine a lot, like Glenn or Daryl. Even Carol, who took Hershel by the arm and began to dance with him. And then there was Rick. He sat in a corner with another glass in his hand, his legs dangling, and a smile you'd never seen before to lighten his weary face. He joked with Daryl, occasionally shouting something at Carl and burst out laughing, immediately followed by the others. You've all come a long way lately; Since the death of his wife, he has become weaker and more insecure, Beth and you take turns taking care of little Judith and you also often looked to Rick to make sure that he felt better. You spent much more time with him, especially in the evening, when he returned to prison after looking for food or working in the garden all day. Of course, he was very close to Carl, and when he talked about it, the whole love of a father showed itself to his child. His eyes lit up as you two talked about it, and lately he had managed to open himself a little more: He told you what he had in mind for his family, the plans, the holidays and the places he wanted to show Carl… Maybe when he saw you with Judith in your arms and saw how much you were to take care of her as if she were a little sister, he allowed himself to trust you. And that night, he did nothing but look at you with those blue eyes and make you feel uncomfortable. You approached a bottle of wine and diluted it with a little water that you already had in the glass. Better not risk being drunk, somebody eventually had to keep their minds. And then, after a while, you had to switch with Sasha, who let little Judith sleep in prison.

"Y/N! Imagine how much I love you, darling!"

Two fingers pressed your cheek, causing you to jump and turn to Maggie. She wanted to say something else, but broke with her head on your shoulder, sighed and closed her eyes. Well, maybe it was time to look for Glenn. You looked around for him, but as soon as you turned left, you came across Rick's shining eyes, which stared at you for the umpteenth time. Daryl was next to him, looking at you from there as well, leaning over to his friend and whispering something in his ear. A single corner of his mouth lifted and he grimaced with a mischievous smile. You shook your shoulders after swallowing a few times and trying in vain to continue holding your best friend up. Rick continued to look at you with that know-it-grimace on his lips and the empty glass in his hands. Then he grabbed Glenn by the arm and stood up, pulling him with him. You noticed that he came to you and when you found him in front of me, Maggie was already in the arms of her boyfriend. With the two of them away and Rick still standing in front of you with his hands in his pockets and his expression different than usual, you jerked the glass to your mouth nervously.

"Hey…"

His voice was low and slightly hoarse and you did not understand what he wanted. Luckily you did not drink much, otherwise you would probably already be dancing on the table.

"Hey…",you answer in a whisper and hide behind the glass. You did not blink and a chuckle accidentally missed your lips while Rick smiled at you. You were never really good at flirting, let alone you would not improve it in the Apocalypse. Suddenly, the former sheriff made a movement, leaning over and overpowering you with the full force of his body. He put his arm behind you and grabbed an apple from the basket that Carol and Michonne could fill this afternoon. He kept staring at you, bit into the red fruit and began to chew until a little juice slipped into the corner of his mouth and he rubbed it off with the back of his hand. Your jaw was almost on the ground at this sight and you almost drooled. You wanted to bury yourself, you could swear. That was so embarrassing! After several failed attempts, you managed to escape him and his strange gaze, with the excuse of having to help Sasha with Judith. And with that you disappeared at the end of the corridor.

"Hey, Sasha."

You peered at the empty table in the middle of which Judith slept happily, not at all annoyed by the noise from the other side of the corridor. Sasha, to whom you smiled, sat next to her. On her knees, an old book with a crumpled envelope that Carl had found in an abandoned house nearby. You have already read it. Sasha cleared her throat and smiled at you.

"Please be quiet Y/N, I want to stay a little longer with Judith. Go back to have fun, I hope that's okay for you."

No not really… If you went back now, you would have to reckon with Rick's staring eyes, too pervading tonight… you'd have to deal with Rick's smile and the whispered phrases between him and Daryl… And you'd have to also dealing with Beth and her first drunkenness, which made her unable to hold herself back and talk nonsense… She just reminded you of Rick's insistent gaze and teased you with it. In short, if you went back now, you'd have to deal with a lot of things, especially Rick. But Sasha did not know, she really can not know how you feel about him… And it's obvious that no one knew anything except Beth, because Rick Grimes was the leader of this big family you all created slowly, the father of Judith and Carl, whose wife just died a few months ago… While you only are the cute and little Y/N, the adopted daughter of Hershel. But still liked by all. And then, counting one and one together, everyone understands that your name does not suit Rick's. Honestly, it's funny for you to connect them at all. Without the Apocalypse, you probably would have never met. So no. Sasha could never imagine what you had to handle with, if you went back there now.

"Sasha, pick up your ass right now and go out of here.",you grin and try to look convincing enough.

"Besides, I'm tired, today was exhausting and I need some rest.",you smiled again and stretched your back when you approached her. And finally she seemed to surrender. Sasha got up and went to the others, but not before she kissed you on the cheek. You took the book and turned it in your hands, sitting down where Sasha had been sitting. After a long yawn, a sound behind you made you jump. You turned to the place where Sasha just stood and your heart immediately began to beat wildly. Rick stood across the table, one shoulder against the post, his arm dangling while holding a dusty bottle in one hand. This time it was sparkling wine - certainly from Merle and Daryl.

"Rick…",your voice echoed his name in fear, between the four walls of the deserted room.

"Did I scared you?"

You smiled and nodded, trying to regain your calm. You're shaking, but it's Rick, damn it! And not a Walker!

"Is that intention, Y/N?"

It did not seem like a question to you, but more like an observation, and the crucial tone with which he said those words intimidated you even more. As if he did not like it, that you walked away, as if it had even trouble him. You swallowed hard, shrugged your shoulders, and pointed to little Judith beside you.

"I just wanted to help Sasha."

"You ran away from me. Thats what I meant.",he countered without hesitation in a harsh voice. He lowered his head, shaking it imperceptibly and you saw his lips tipping into a sly smile that gave him a more or less arrogant look. Without giving up this grin, he suddenly went to you, putting the bottle on the table and his hands on his hips, bent his head to the side and looked at you very carefully. You did not have the guts to look up and collide with his blue eyes, so you better stared at the leather belt that was wrapped around his waist.

"Thank you.",did you suddenly hear him mumble and the tone of his voice had changed again. Those few letters gave you the strength to finally lift your face and it was probably the biggest mistake you could make, because tonight you thought you would see his smile more beautiful than usual, but the smile did not exist.

"Thank you? For what?"

"For everything you do. For Judith, for Carl and-…",Rick said, reaching out and stroking his daughter's arm,"…- for me.",he sighed seriously and looked at you. What should you do now? And what should you say? But Rick does not even allow you to think in peace, he did not even give you time to articulate a sentence, because he grabbed the bottle of champagne again, leaned over his knees bent and brought his face to your height. A shiver went through your body and you were still paralyzed by his gaze. He smiled, fidgeted with the bottle, trying to make as little noise as possible.

"Let's drink Y/N!"

"What did you say?"You slipped back into reality and opened your lips - you were almost sure you misunderstood him."Come on, please…",he shrugged innocently.

"On you, on me… on us, that we have found ourselves. Because if you were not here, Y / N… I would not know how to make this little miracle grow up.",he mumbled everything in one breath and gave a loving look on the relaxed face of his daughter.

"Rick stop. You would be fine without me, you know? And then there's Carol, Beth, Sasha, Maggie and everyone else here…"

You answered awkwardly while trying to look away to hide the embarrassment. Rick shook his head in response, smiled and mumbled an imperceptible:"That's not true.",then raised the bottle and took another sip. He reached for you and gave you the dark bottle. Hesitantly, you kept turning your gaze from him back to the champagne, not knowing what the hell you were supposed to do: accept or reject? You reached for the neck of the bottle and drank a few puffs. Instinctively, you moistened your eyes, coughed, and withdrew your hand to cover your mouth. Now you had the certainty that this sparkling wine had definitely expired. But Rick smiled happily. Suddenly you felt his breath on your face, actually on your mouth, a clear sign that he was coming even closer. A spark suddenly lit up his eyes, and as your brain searched desperately for good answers to all those questions that were buzzing through your head, Rick kept going forward, pulling your chin to his and pressing his lips tight against yours. You did not respond and could not move. But the moment he realizes that you did not respond to the kiss, he jerked back, watching you with an undecipherable expression and you held your breath and shuddered. You finally understand that this is not what you wanted: you did not want him to leave you, you wanted him close to you. Here, as Rick moved away from your face, everything was clearer to you: his mouth, which was pressed against yours, fit perfectly and you also realized that it is not so bad. Or rather, not as strange as you thought. Rick and Y/N. Okay, maybe a bit weird… The policeman and the young woman from the farm… But within a second, everything passed before your eyes: you remembered the moment when you two met for the first time in the living room of the Greene's, with that desperation in his eyes as he held Carl in his arms; You also remembered when he taught you, along with Shane and Andrea, how to shoot from far away. Or when he put his sheriff hat on your head for fun and told you that you look really pretty with it… And you also saw all those glances that were only on you when he went on one of the many expeditions while you were holding his daughter in your arms and reassuring him with a smile that will be all right, that Judith will wait for his return. A warm hand on your cheek brought you back to reality and made you blink a few times. Rick was a few inches away from you, stroking your face and staring at your open lips. Your breath was fast and you paused for a few more seconds before lifting your hand and placing it behind his neck.

"What are you thinking?",he asked in a low tone and carefully studied each expression of yours to try to understand what was going through your head right now. You shook your head, kept your eyes focused on him, sighed, and decided to answer."This… Why, Rick?"Your voice sounded mournful, your expression broken and suffering.

"I do not know…-",he muttered."I don't know, Y/N… I don't know. But I'm sure it's all I want and everything I need.",Rick said. You just rested your forehead against his and sighed again.

"Why me? Why not Sasha or Carol or Michonne?",did you continue ignoring his words - and you immediately cursed yourself for what you said. Rick actually seemed confused, it made no sense to him what you just asked and he cleared his throat, swallowed and tried to answer.

"Because you are you… Because you are Y/N."He shrugged and smiled at you with as much love as you've ever seen before.

"You're the one I search for every time I return to the prison after an expedition - and not just to find out how Judith is. You are the woman who sleeps by my daughter every night and stays there to hear my stupid sayings. Just because it's you who can give me a moment of peace with your smile, before I close my eyes every night, after a lousy day I've spent killing Walkers or searching for something to eat. Carl and Judith… We have no house, no family, there is not much left… Y/N… But every time I go to the cell and try to sleep for a few hours, I find you with my daughter in your arms, with those big eyes full of hope that look at me and tell me to keep fighting."

It was weird to hear that answer because you never expected it, but in those few moments you finally feel happy.

"You are you. Because you have something the others do not have.",he said again. Rick seemed visibly worried about confessing something like that and was afraid of a negative reaction from you. A sigh escaped your lips, confused by these words and you were overwhelmed by his sincerity. Rick still had his eyes fixed on you… On your mouth, on your hot cheeks, on your neck… And when he lowered his eyes even more and shamelessly dropped him into the neckline of your shirt, your brain went haywire… With your hand still lying on the back of his head, you pulled him back to you so that your lips meet again. Rick grabbed your body, hugged you, pulled you up with a determined gesture and made you stand up while his mouth went down to explore your throat greedily. The silence around you blocked you and left you motionless and you stared at each other. The noses that touched, the breaths that mingled, the eyes wide open. The fear of waking up Judith… But Rick did not stop, he had no intention. And you understand it, thanks to the crooked and mischievous smile that distorted his mouth. He lowered himself back to you, the hands that were on your hips and now on your back. He tried to find out what you want, whether he can continue or not. He studied you, with an accelerated breath on your face. And you, pressed under the weight of his body against the table, with his erection that rubbed against your pelvis, could not help it. Yes, you wanted him to continue, yes, you wanted to kiss him again and yes, you wanted more.

"Rick…"

It only sounded like a moan, a little cumbersome, like a miserable and faint whisper. You spoke his name for the first time in a very different way than usual. And it was enough for him to hear only your voice saying his name, it was enough for him to hear you sigh to keep going. Then he pushed his hand between your legs up your thigh and you closed your eyes and gave a long, uneven moan from you, allowing him to quickly remove your torn jeans and become ecstatic when he did bent down to kiss you, slowly reaching the center of your pleasure.

You two loved each other on the table where every day some of you gathered to eat something where Carol cleaned her weapons, where Hershel rested and read a few stories to the few kids… But most of all, you have that night , with your legs entwined, with your lips that sought each other, loved…

"No… I do not think so, Y/N. Come on…"

Rick put an arm behind your back and held you back as far as you can to avoid returning the hug. You could feel the delicate touch of his hand through the fabric of your shirt, you could feel the fact that he was slowing down and that he would never shake you, as you are doing now with him. At least not out here, with Carl playing with his friends not far from you and Tyreese on the tower with a rifle in his hand. You sighed against his shoulder.

"I'm going… showering…",you said.

His eyes looked at you, they were attentively focused on each of your little facial expressions, but when you turned around and wanted to leave, his fingers wrapped around your wrist and held you back. You turned to look at him and slowly you saw a smile on his lips as he finally spoke to you again.

"Michonne found a razor yesterday, somewhere…",he said and grinned. You were looking at him with a raised eyebrow and finally knowing what he was getting at.

"If you come with me, maybe I can help you to use it. You know, it's not that easy with a beard like that."

You briefly pointed to his chin and looked at him again. Rick scratched his cheek and raised an eyebrow as well.

"Really…?"

"Definitely…",you nodded."You can not do it alone, you might hurt yourself… If you come with me, I'll think about helping you…"

You bite your lower lip, fully aware of how much this little gesture drives him crazy. He was hesitant, looking around with his eyes for Carl. Then he sighed and shook his head. Rick suddenly pushed you to his shoulder, causing you to stagger and laugh.

"And if I wanted to shave off the entire beard?"

"Then I would not allow it."

You two walked in the direction of the cell block, a few more steps and you would be at the door leading to the showers.

"Oh yes? And why?"

Rick reached out an arm, opened the rusty door, and let you enter first.

"Because with a bit of beard, you're a lot … more…",you answered.

"More…?",he urged you questioningly, when the door closed behind him and the darkness enveloped you.

"You are more beautiful, Mr. Grimes.",you answered and stifled a giggle. You felt him pushing you against the sticky, damp wall and the next moment you felt Rick's body against yours. His lips were searching for yours and his hands were under your shirt. You felt him smile against your lips, content with what he just heard. You had to make a little effort to finally get to the showers, even though you were already there…

 _ **some** months later:_

"So, what's her name? You can tell me. Who is it?"Michonne approached and sat down next to the former sheriff crouching on the last step of the ruined staircase. He's been out there for a few hours now, in the distance the sun shining up behind the green space around the prison. It's soon time for dinner, and even though you never all dine together, someone has always had to be alert and change shifts to spend the night on the tower. But Michonne has noticed, however, that Rick had not returned yet. The two almost always ate together at the same table and their friendship began to grow slowly. It has been several weeks since Michonne showed up with diapers and food in a basket in front of the prison. It's been several weeks since Rick, along with you others, decided to let her in and take her in. Over time, the connection between them has become stronger.

"What? What's the name of who?",asked the man, raising his eyebrows and his head turning to the smile of Michonne. She sighed, shook her head and looked visibly amused.

"Rick, you stared smiling at the void, so who did you think of?"He knew he would not be able to escape this topic without an answer. And Rick's silence encouraged Michonne to continue.

"Do you know, when I was in love too…",she giggled, looking at her Katana.

"I'm not in love or something…"The hoarse voice of Rick was immediately interrupted by Michonne.

"Come on, tell me now!",she threatened him, punching his shoulder with her fist. Rick looked down and laughed softly, scratching his slightly longer beard. Only once he managed to cut it and he knew that he was not alone at that time.

"I was in love too. And it was the best feeling there could be. For real. All I wanted was him, we wanted to start a family and marry. When I was at work, I remember that I did nothing but keep thinking about him. It's something you do without noticing, it just happens. One day you think about this person without actually wanting it, it is absurd how often thoughts get the upper hand."She let out a loud laugh, threw back her head and then put it on her friend's shoulder.

"I… I recognize that phrase Rick, you're in love!", she said seriously, looking at him.

"You're wrong…",he sighed, standing up and stretching his legs to distract from the subject.

"You just say that because you know that I'm right.",Michonne continued, still watching him curiously. Rick smiled, his gaze fixed on the last rays of the sun. He knew she was telling the truth, he knew that Michonne never misses anything. And he can do nothing about it except to say how things are. After all, it has been several months since it all began, and he can no longer keep the relationship a secret.

"I…"

But just as Rick spoke, a door on the other side of the square opened, showing Y/N in all her glory. Her freshly washed hair fell freely on her shoulders, the tight-fitting outfit enveloping her perfect body, her eyes wide open, with a beaming smile on the boy next to her, Carl, holding together in their hands a wicker basket filled with fruits and vegetables. Rick turned and stared dumbly at the scene until the door closed again and the deafening sound of steel pounded his attention. In the distance, his son called to him as if to say hello and Y/N looked for his face and smiled even more as soon as their eyes found each other. Rick tried to hide his in love smile, but he can not, it's stronger than him. And as soon as he cleared his throat and looked back at Michonne, his friend stared at him with a wide-eyed, disbelieving expression as a mildly hysterical attack overwhelmed her. Rick opened his mouth, he wanted to speak, he needed to say something…

"I do not believe it…",the woman mumbled, covering her mouth with one hand as her eyes wandered from the former sheriff to the woman in the garden.

"No… That's not possible, that can not be…"But she could not speak, because a nervous giggle began to overwhelm her completely.

"Keep your mouth shut!",Rick laughed and kicked her shin. She wiped away a tear of joy, massaging her cheeks, and stared at the sheriff in front of her.

"Y/N…",she whispered in disbelief."The sweet little Y/N. I can not believe it, I can not…"Michonne shook her head with a smile and watched the young woman from a distance.

"I knew you would react that way…",Rick sighed and saw Y/N disappearing behind the rusted door. Silence… Until Michonne snuggled up beside him, took him by the arm and caught his attention.

"How long?",she asked.

"A few months, more or less…",Rick mumbled, his gaze fixed on the ground.

"Not only did I recognize it thanks to your expression, you know?"She smiled lovingly. He turned to Michonne, frowning, trying to understand his friend's words. He followed her gaze and ended at his ring finger, where for some time no ring was to be seen.

"I had to take it off. I had to do it, Michonne.",he whispered, swallowing briefly and desperately trying to control himself rather than crying in front of her. The woman reached out and put her hand on the sheriff's shoulder.

"It is not wrong, you do not have to feel guilty.",whispered Michonne."And you must not feel guilty for what you will be, for what you will become over time. Because we change every day, we are forced to change, we are not the same anymore since it all started and tomorrow we are not what we are today anymore, you can love again, Rick… Do not worry, never… Love is the only beautiful thing left, don't you think?"A tear sprang from his eyes and ran down his cheek. Rick hurriedly dried it and looked at the woman next to him.

"It's true, you're right…",he admitted."Besides, I thought the sage here was Hershel."Michonne laughed, followed closely by Rick.

"Do you want to hide from her?",she asked seriously for a moment. He scratches his chin as he scans the horizon thoughtfully again.

"I do not know…",he finally sighed."You know that's funny, right? It's strange to tell others how you feel. What if the others could be outraged? If they do not understand it? And Carl… Maybe Carl picks it up wrong. She's with him every damn day, Michonne, I do not want to destroy that…"

"Since when do you care about others' opinions, Rick?",Michonne grumbled, getting up and putting her hands on her hips."Since when are you so interested in the judgment of others? And Carl is a smart boy, he'll understand. How could he hate her or not want her to be near his father? Think about it for a moment."She tapped her forehead and looked at him defiantly.Rick snorted and stretched and bit his lip. Then he nodded."Yes you are right. In fact, Carl is crazy about her.",he finally grinned, running a hand through his hair. Michonne smiled and raised an eyebrow, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Well, even the dad is crazy about her, so…",she murmured with a grin. Rick burst out laughing and hit Michonne against her arm. Then he got up and walked slowly to the entrance to the prison."You know… I was scared at first…"

"It's normal!", she answered. Michonne turned to her friend and looked at him with a smile, one of those bright smiles that you unfortunately do not see often. And he understands she's right, she's always been right, Rick's face is that of a man in love.


End file.
